Friction at work is not a bad thing. It’s just a thing. Take it for a walk.
If you want to reduce friction and uncertainty, you’re not going to get there by standing still.
Being hungry is not enough.
Paul walks into a diner and has a seat. Maxwell, a server, approaches. Paul doesn’t look at the menu or ask about the special.
Paul: I’m hungry. Will you bring me some food?
Maxwell: Is there anything specific that you had in mind?
Paul: I’m sure you can figure it out.
Maxwell: Hmmmm…
How would anyone in the kitchen know what food Paul would enjoy? Paul appears to implicitly trust Maxwell to make a good decision, but now Maxwell is stuck in a guessing game with no constraints to guide him toward a solution. Paul gave no details about his preferences, allergies, or how long he can wait for the food to arrive. In this case, simply declaring the problem (hunger) is not enough. They have to find a common ground if Paul is going to eat sometime soon and enjoy what lands on a plate in front of him.
Go for a walk.
It’s difficult to evaluate the ground you stand on until you create some space to look at it. Uncertainty and friction commonly emerge between humans. You can purposefully choose to step away at any time and welcome additional perspectives. I’m not suggesting that you outright divorce yourself from your point of view or throw it away. Not at all. This is a time to embrace the practice of, “strong opinions, loosely held”. This can help to identify when ego is getting in the way of making more informed decisions when new information presents itself.
Like Paul and Maxwell, we all have biases, perspectives, assumptions, motivations, and problems in front of us that we need to navigate. When versions don’t align I’ve found that it’s best to grab your ideas and those of the other person and “take them both for a walk” to figure things out.
In a co-located world you could literally go for a walk but that is not a limiting factor. You can still invite your colleague (Paul) to “go for a walk” with you in the spirit of acknowledging where he is trying to get to and that you’re interested in helping make that happen. The point is that you are both trying to get somewhere. When you go together you dramatically increase the odds of a desirable outcome. It simply requires a purposeful intent to blend bias, constraints, and context into action.
When you are open and seeking healthy resolution, you often learn more about a situation than you anticipated and often a highly effective way to collectively move towards the (presumed) outcome, leaving assumptions behind — ending up down the path together.
“Walk” to transform negative friction into positive friction.
I think of negative friction as awkward energy that surfaces from assumptions and expectations placed upon you to meet someone where they are, without the opportunity for challenge or clarification. It’s the feeling you have when you are not happy with how a request may have been framed, the constraints, or the urgency that was placed upon you with very little, if any discussion about your situation. Recognize that negative energy is not grounded, which means you can purposefully work to move it to a grounded space. In almost every case that I’ve experienced, my colleague was simply unaware of the information that was needed and was open to providing and welcoming more context.
In these situations don’t react with defense.
- Pause and identify the friction.
- Ask yourself why you’re reacting.
- Be honest about the answer(s)
From there you can ground the conversation in your assumptions and take a solution-driven approach to transform the negative friction into positive friction. Positive friction is the creative tension that comes to life when you’re in a problem-solving mode, seeing the opportunity to find solutions — collaborating to find a way through uncertainty. Some refer to this as being “above the line vs. below the line”, which is a powerfully simple mindset. Are you being curious and open to learning more, or are you being defensive and committed to being right?
Experiment to find what version works for you.
Next time you create or encounter negative friction, just go for a walk (with the person and the idea) and see where you end up. Be open to what you find. Walking together, you may uncover options that neither of you would or did consider on your own. Along the way, you might even form a stronger working relationship through a respectful investment of empathy for each other. Who knows, maybe you’ll help Paul figure out what he wants to eat.
Through discussing this with colleagues I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how some have ingested the idea of taking friction (via people) for a walk, made sense of it on their own terms, and incorporated it into their way of working with others. One colleague proudly shared that he’d literally been “taking people for a walk” during meetings, rather than interacting through video, and he’d been having great conversations because he changed things up on several fronts. He took the idea and interpreted it for his needs, which was amazing feedback.
Take the concept for a walk to see how you can make it your own. Let me know how it goes!
Huge thank you to Richard Banfield and Daniel Cowen for the editorial nudges! 🙏
